Is it okay to party on Memorial Day? (or does that make me an ungrateful American?)

Is Memorial Day a somber day of remembrance or the official kick-start of summer? Looking at my social media feed or watching TV, it feels like it must be one or the other. American flags and black-and-white photos of fallen soldiers jostle for space in my news feed alongside ads for Memorial Day sales and glossy pics of my friend’s long weekend vacation to the beach.  It creates an uncomfortable tension that many patriotic Americans find hard to navigate. 

I get it, because even as the spouse of an active-duty Army officer, I feel it too. For us, Memorial Day isn’t just a day to vaguely honor fallen military heroes, it’s a day to remember our friends. Between our West Point classmates and fellow soldiers we’ve gotten to know over the last 20+ years in the military, we personally know dozens of friends who made the ultimate sacrifice and never came home. We’ve sat through their funerals and cried with their families in our shared grief. Arguably the most meaningful object Drew took with him during his space mission was a link of dog tags from soldiers killed in action from one of his old units. The number of tags on the chain was staggering and when I saw the video of them floating around each other in space, the massive weight of that incredible amount of sacrifice was emotionally staggering. To let myself fully feel it brought me back to the fear I felt when Drew was deployed and communications were blacked out, pending the family notification of another fallen hero. The relief when I finally heard Drew’s voice was always overwhelming, but quickly followed by the devastating realization that for another family, life would never be the same. But as Americans, we need to feel that weight, need to reflect on that sacrifice, because they made it so that we, those who remain, can choose how to spend this sacred day.

If those fallen heroes were here today, I have no doubt they would want you to fire up that BBQ, invite some friends over and jump in the pool. That is what they would be doing. So yes, it’s okay to party on Memorial Day. But here’s what I ask you to do - at some point during the day, turn off the music. Ask everyone to stop what they’re doing and take a moment to reflect. Not just on the sacrifice of our fallen heroes, but on the families they left behind. These are our Gold Star families; the spouses, children, and parents of our true patriots. For them, EVERY day is Memorial Day. They think about that soldier, airman, or sailor every single day and feel that ultimate sacrifice every time they wake up and every time they go to bed. So I ask you to bow your head and pray for them. Raise a glass and toast to them. Play the national anthem and shed a quiet tear for them. Then pick up your phone and call or text a Gold Star family if you know one, or text or call a veteran if you don’t.  Honor their service and their daily sacrifice. That’s what this day is for. Then crank that music back up, throw a few more burgers on the grill, crack open that beer, and enjoy the freedom of the day, paid for by those who gave the last full measure of devotion.