What friends do
My second child was born about a month too early. Within an hour of delivery, she was whisked off to the NICU where she stayed for a week, hooked up to monitors, feeding tubes, and IVs while her lungs finished developing. It was, by far, the scariest week of my life. Leaving the hospital each night was like leaving part of myself behind, and yet I had another child to care for back at home. Physically in pain, emotionally torn open, I was vulnerability personified. I’ll never forget the people who showed up to feed my family, sit with me at the hospital, pray with me, or those who sent flowers, cards and text messages of support. In these touchpoint moments of our lives, when we are at our most vulnerable, our heart takes special note of who steps up and who does not. It matters.
That week changed how I think about supporting friends in their tender moments. Before that NICU week I didn’t fully understand how powerful a simple text, phone call or hand-written card can be, but how equally powerful and confusing silence from a friend can be. I saw first-hand how there are those who, when a friend is in need, find a way to show they love and support them. The lesson I learned was this: if I love my friends the way I claim to, the way I hope they love me, then when they are in need or in a vulnerable place, I will do whatever it takes for them to know I am with them, that I am for them, and that I love them. At these times, silence and inaction are not neutral. What you do and say matters.
So that brings me to today. My friend Micki asked if she could come over to pick something up, but when she got here she busted out a copy of my book and asked me to sign it. Then she asked if we could take a picture together to post on social media. It’s no coincidence that she’s an astro spouse who also released a book this year. She gets it. She knows that releasing a book puts you in a tender, insecure place. It is not always the confetti-popping, exciting moment most people assume it is. For me, it’s been more like a vulnerable unveiling, like having a baby. Except that once the baby arrives, instead of taking it home to swaddle and protect, you hand it over to the world with little control over what happens next. It’s a risky heart business because it tears you open and, at least in my case, exposes vulnerable parts of your soul you don’t often show the world. When it comes to book launches, the support of your friends matters. Like with every vulnerable moment in life, the heart remembers who was there with you. It remembers who told you they were proud of you, who gave you a hug, who sent you a supportive text, and who voiced their support of you in a public forum. The heart remembers who saw your vulnerability and did something.
The type of support you need in vulnerable moments is not always public, social media support like during a book launch. Often it's far quieter. A companion sitting next to you on the couch. A pizza delivery. A shoulder to cry on. A friend assesses the situation and does what is best based not on what they want to do, but what their friend needs. That’s the bottom line for me. I want to be the kind of friend who, when my friend needs me, steps up boldly, without hesitation, and without fear. I want to be a friend who is willing to sacrifice my time, my money, my effort, and even my pride if that is what my friend needs at that moment. Because I’ve had friends do that for me and I know how life-changing that kind of friendship love is. That’s Jesus-love, no doubt about it. It’s not easy. It’s pretty counter-cultural in this day and age. But here’s my promise to you, my friends: if you are hurting, I want to help ease your pain. If you are scared, I will stand next to you and hold your hand as you face your fears. If you do something risky, I will tell you that I’m proud of you for being brave. If you write a book, I will help tell the world about it. I will be there for you, 100%. End of story, no small print. Because that’s what friends do.
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Micki Pettit’s book, A Kiss For Maggie Moore, is available for purchase on Amazon.com and on BlackRoseWriting.com. It’s a coming-of-age story with unforgettable characters, set against the backdrop of rural Wyoming during the cultural upheaval of the 1960s. Micki gracefully weaves an endearing and humorous tale of first experiences that cut to the heart of sacrificial love. As a fiction lover, I thought it was fantastic. Go get your copy today!
Micki - I’m proud of you and all your hard work to make this happen! Thanks for being a great friend.
